1Th 5:17 Pray without ceasing.

My husband and I have been married for almost 33 years. We have never been physically separated…but emotional separation has occurred several times in our marriage. When we married, we each had a lot of emotional baggage to move in to our marriage and that, at times, caused the distancing from each other emotionally. I used to think this was an uncommon occurrence, but after more than twenty years of counseling women I realize that it is not uncommon.

When we first married I knew my husband needed to change or this marriage was NOT going to ever work. I prayed, "Oh God change him!" more times than I care to remember. We were baby Christians trying to get our spiritual lives growing, and newlyweds trying to get a marriage growing, and since I became "with child" four months after we were married, we were also trying to get a family growing. It was an exhausting experience! But I was faithful, I kept asking God to change this man that I married -- because I loved him and I wanted us to be happy.

I cannot remember what changed my mode of praying for our marriage. I don't know if it was the Holy Spirit personally teaching me or if I heard a 'new concept' of praying for my spouse…but my prayers did change drastically: Praying for God to change my husband became praying for God to change us both and make us more compatible -- unified. And for the last 32 years that is exactly how I have kept praying for my husband to change.

Did God hear my prayers? Oh yes! Did God answer my prayers? Oh, all of the time! Did we become more compatible -- unified? Yes we did, and it enabled us, in Christ, to weather some torrential storms in our lives. Did God change my husband -- finally? Yes, He did -- but He changed me far more!

In years of listening and counseling I have heard these words put in so many different ways: "I am praying for God to changed my husband (wife)." And always when I share my experience with this 'dilemma' in our first years of marriage it causes a complete silence to come over a conversation. It seems so simplistic yet what God taught me -- I have come to realize is so profound and such a beginning answer to any degree of trouble in a marriage.